DON Feel Bad !!

17th january 2011
i have never been successful in coping with my problems...
i used to think that i am a rational person...and i 'm a big-hearted person...
but i realise that i am not that kind of person...i met something that made me uneasy and unpleasant...
i wanna "A" to understand me...but "A" could not...
my reactions and acts today will surely make"A" suspect my characteristics...
but i never started that chaos first...
yup...i just want all of us to meet...i was desperate to meet them...only GOD knows whether they feel the same...
i never expect things happen in this way...why?? i did not mean that i dislike it...
but thousands of questions just appeared and floated in my mind...
why U never offer or even give me a chance to join in your gang activities??
and when i give rise to an idea...U got to be in-charge...is that your bravery overpowering my timidness??
i feel bad...i feel why they can dislike me...and why can't i dislike them without being hated by others...
of course..there may be misunderstanding...but i don't care..i knew the truth...i heard it...
words like swords...words like poison...
but they are always protected and innocent...i am always the antagonist...LOLx...
and they would not bother to have me as their friend...still i don't want to give up...
i believe i can be their trustworthy friend...however...
despite how much effort i have put in...it is fruitless...no one to be blamed...i m the one to be blamed...
yup..."C" may be have the same feeling and thoughts like me...so...i will voice out everything that i feel not satisfied to C...
however...after that...i feel struggle in my heart...i think i shouldn't have talked in that manner...
facts may be twisted...i said that but didn't mean to hurt or badmouth a person...
as an excuse...i have got to find a channel to release my uneasiness...
Luckily "G" is there...if not...it would be more suffering for me...
the XX juice makes my teeth feel the sourness...my teeth might be corroded...LOLx...
i m a girl with no image...not that i want to choose to be like that...it s that i don not have choice...
i have got to keep talking....crack jokes...though not funny...i even acted in a very rude way...
NOT LIKE A GIRL!!
my voice was so hoarse...and not nice to hear...when i looked into their face...as if that i m too over...
haiz...what should i do??
maybe is because i stayed alone...isolated from crowd too long....so i can't respond to my friends...
i just feel i can't laugh anymore...i tried to hide my emotions...i knew if i hang my sour face...they can SEE it...
might misunderstand...and it would be a regretful thing to me...
THE above article is one of the story edited from a story full of dilemma...and is fake...