posso farle??? XD

15th february 2011
i have been away from my own sweet home for almost a week...
i can't think of what to post...my mind was blank and i couln't come out even with a word...
i have not been reading...have not been studying...though i was already a graduate from secondary school...
i still think i should have been more hardworking to improve myself...
it is absolutely saddening to do nothing at home...i am in singapore right now...
time passed swiftly whereas i never manage to do a good thing at all....
loitering in shopping complex...waiting for buses...waiting to abroad in MRT...lazing around the house...
i hoped i can have more time to surf internet...but it is not good to disturb my cousins from doing their assignment...
so...now i got a chance...cousins went to their polytechnics...i stayed at home with my lovely aunt...
and now i am preoccupied by writing my own story...
i feel helpless...a bit...lonely...quite...but it is still okay...
i feel suffocated because i am standing at a junction...which pathway shall i choose...
which way to continue...???
these are all the questions in my head now...
i hope there is someone to guide me...i hope there is someone to decide and make arrangements for me...
however...these are hopes of a lazy...unsuccessful person...
i don't  want to be that kind of person...
so...i have to make up my mind...not bothering about what others think or say...
just carry on my pathway...
private Uni...college...yeah...will be one of my choice...
studying in spore...polytechnics...yeah...will be my choice too...
government Uni...i may consider it too...but not likely...
i acknowledge my family can't really afford the fees...but somehow if i enrol in those private institute...
there will be those busy-body buzzing around...and maybe just feel bad...
i cared for what people think...thinking i am rich or what...and then...i am going to be unhappy...
but this is totally ridiculous...what you care??? why are you talking about others since it is not your business...
mouthing out those hurting words...of course i won't argue...perhaps not yet...
i really feel like i don'y want to see their face again...i mean those friends...
what kind of friends are they??? as tgough the whole world is theirs...yup...i am that kind of useless people in theirs eyes...and this is indeed saddening me...and is a stupid response...
but i don't want to be stupid...i need to face them with a more confident person...courageous person...
and i want to show them: you can never look down at me...
yup...they are pretty...prettier than me...they are better to others than me...
somehow...they are just having more fame and concern among our peers...
but i will still have my own way to live...i can ignore them...
i have not yet prepared myself to shine...but i am on the way to do that...
i want to be slim...wearing nice clothes...appearing to be prettier...able to socialise...more knowledgeable...
and be more successful...
can i ??
posso farle...i can...at least i will strive hard for it...and keep on trying...
when a man has determination...he can succeed...
people will always show their concern and sympathy to those vulnerable ladies...if you are just at the top and very successful...who will do that to you...because you don't need ...lolx